Heads You Lose

A Novel

By Lisa Lutz + David Hayward

From our Blog

Last-Minute April Fools’ Day Tips

 I know, I know. A long, heartfelt appreciation of Lisa Lutz, followed by a link to a classic “April Fool!” reveal, was the obvious way to go here.

Well, it’s not happening. A gag that sweet requires months of planning, and I have to admit the holiday snuck up on me this year.

But I know I’m not alone in that. If you also waited too long to orchestrate an elaborate April Fools’ Day prank, don’t worry. Below are several uproarious yet practical capers to pull on your friends and loved ones today, courtesy of AprilFoolZone.com. I have also included two of my own ideas. Or have I?

Sour Joke. Put a few drops of green food coloring in the milk to make it look as if it has soured. When someone pours it in the morning, they will think it has gone bad.

May I Have Mayo. Replace the lotion in your victim’s lotion bottle with mayonnaise. Advanced version: Replace the mayonnaise in your victim’s mayonnaise jar with lotion.

Soggy Socks. Carefully place small water balloons in the toe of your victim’s shoes. They’ll get a wet surprise! (Be sure to only do this on inexpensive shoes.)

What’s Not to Leak? While your friend is sleeping, use a push pin to create tiny holes in his or her pancreas. Reveal the gag on the drive to the hospital.

Author, Author. Convince a well-known writer to collaborate on a book with you. At the book’s launch party, loudly announce that you wrote the whole thing. Also, when called upon to provide witty banter in promotional videos for the book, act dimwitted and sleepy instead.

If you are faced with legal action as a result of any of these antics, remember to invoke the April Fools’ Defense (Florida v. Ostertag, 1974). And please submit your own favorite gags in the comments below.

Coming April 24th: last-minute Easter tips!

Response from Lisa:


I realize this is the wrong day to break it to you, but I have some bad news. The economy sucks, people aren’t buying books like they used to, and our publisher has decided that touring two authors is just way too expensive. I would like to say that they flipped a coin to decide, but let’s be honest: They have to send the name author out on the road.

I’ll try to send video and photos when I can. But I will be very busy promoting our book and doing right by you. Look on the bright side. No airport security guy will be ogling your X-rayed body, and you’ll have plenty of time to sleep in and work on The Mellman Files.



Hi Dave,

I’m here on April 2nd, breaking the news again, just so you don’t think yesterday was an April Fools’ joke. Don’t bother packing this weekend. And forget about that haircut. Well, you might want to keep the haircut appointment. It was looking kind of funny last time I saw you.

I’ll be in touch.

Dave -
I know it must be truly difficult to accept that you are the other, lesser half of the duo, but Lisa does have a proven track record and scads of fans (like me) out there.  If the publisher is pulling the financial plug on sending the two of you, obviously Lisa gets to be the ONE who does the book tour.  If I’m not mistaken, they have plans for you to go out and stick up fliers about Heads You Lose on telephone poles all over town.  Think of it as good exercise!

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